


Deep down hate and love

by Hanakoryu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drabble Collection, Enemies With Benefits, Established Relationship, Eventual Sex, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Multi, Slice of Life, kind of, we're talking of izaya and shizuo anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-18 12:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanakoryu/pseuds/Hanakoryu
Summary: “I hate you.”An annoyed snort followed known words, repeated thousand times in the past ten years and still it was surprising what new shades they could draw towards the tortuous way of feelings.[ Collections of old Shizaya drabbles/shots found in the depth of my archive ]





	1. Sweet Silence

Shizuo has never cared about his birthday.

There's been a time he regretted the day he was born because of that monstrous strength of his and he would highly preferred disappearing under the warm bedsheets than dealing with the suffering of a futile and detrimental existence. Despite his inner discomfort, his family and friends never ceased to celebrate his birthday, sending him gift, letters filled with warm-hearted words and his favorite cakes.

Years pass by and now Shizuo loves his birthday because he knows there's people who appreciates him and thanks his birth more than he's ever done. Even the crouched form by his side, who, for once, has had the decency to made him the  _best_ gift ever.

“Do you hear it, Izaya-kun? The lovely sound of silence.”

“…”

“What? Did you say something?”

“…”

“Speak just a little louder, can you? You usually talk too much just ‘coz you fucking love the sound of your own voice, don’t you, _I-za-ya-kun_?”

“…”

Izaya frowns even more, annoyed by the way his lover is teasing him. Damn sore throat, he couldn’t say a single word without feeling the throat on fire.

“The protozoan will pay for this.” He keeps thinking, turning his back and stealing all the sheets and wrapping them tightly around him. He can always wipe that damn victorious smile off Shizuo's face throwing against him his sugary birthday cake. As soon as he stops sneezing and shaking because of the fever, of course. “He’ll pay for this he’ll pay for this he’ll pay for this…”

 


	2. Skirt, sweet trick

“Why the fuck I am doing this.”

They were a perfect tangle of sheets, rough kisses and breahts broken by shivers of pleasure when Izaya asked him to wear his skirt.  
“Do me this favour, Shizu-chan, I need to check the hem of the skirt. I asked Namie-san to fix it but I don't totatally trust that woman's sewing skills. And I need this skirt tomorrow.”  
Shizuo stopped asking since ages why the hell the flea dressed up like a woman for work sometimes. He didn’t want to know the reason. _At all_.  
It was just kinda creepy like that.

And now he was wearing the damn skirt, feeling like an idiot, just to make the flea shutting up. Hoping everything ended up soon and they could come back cuddling under the blanket.

“Iza-ya- _aaaaaah_!” A loud squeak left his lips as the cool hands of his lover slided under the skirt and squeezed his bare bottom.

“See, Shizu-chan, I told you it’d be better with a skirt than with boxers~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorrynotsorry  
> This drabble is as old as me and I almost left it untoched because yes.  
> Talking about skirts and dresses I wouldn't mind writing something about Shizuka and Kanra as well *winkwonk*  
> Oh well, thanks to the kind souls who left kudos and comments, you made my day <3  
> See ya~!


	3. Masochism

“ _I hate you._ ”

An annoyed snort followed known words, repeated thousand times in the past ten years and still it was surprising what new shades they could draw towards the tortuous way of feelings. As the saying goes ‘ _You can say I love you in each language of the world_ ’, you can express hatred in each possible and creative way. Wasn’t hate a distorted way of love? A toxic bond that inevitably caused two person to clash and fight until one of them give in?

In their world, hate had been always the only chain able to tie their souls to one another. Worse than love, worse than indifference, worse than any other feeling humankind offered. An illogic destruction that would kill a normal being, but not them. Indeed it filled the emptyness in his chest, closing the bottomless vase so that no more human love could enter in for a while; it hurt, it made him realize how fragile and weak and docile could be a human body. How cruelly beutiful it could be tasting pain, embracing it like a child looking forward to be cuddled by a mother.

He didn’t like physical pain. He didn’t like to be the one tortured. He didn’t like seeing the blade pointed at his chest and waltzing along his creamy skin. Never ever.  
 _Ah, what a lie._  
“You failed me again, body. Ah ah ah.”  


“Shut up, louse.” A low growl blew up in a smoky cloud that obscured Shizuo’s gaze for an instant. In a hand a blood-soaked knife that truly looked like Izaya’s and his eyes following the red line crossing his enemy’s chest, actually naked under him. “We’re even, now.” A small grin crossed the blond man’s gaze, sinister as the feeble light of an old lamp that brightened the cicatrix scratching his chest.  
“Shizu-chan’s really a child.” The information broker whispered with the hint of his well-known trademark smirk, that wasn’t anyway enough to wipe the bitterness off his face. But if he thought it was simply an old cry out for revenge, he was completely wrong. After all, Shizuo was the only creature Izaya didn’t comprehend and that was one of the reason why the hatred killing him from the inside. The animalistic anger used to be the feeling he was able to manipulate easier, but the monster evolved unexpectedly and actually he showed a powerful calm that annihilate his intelligence.

_Most likely, he felt humiliated_.

“Tch. I said shut the fuck up.” The hand holding the knife lowered down so quickly Izaya just caught the silver glint of the blade brushing against his cheek. It just stuck in the mattress, the only support of their weights since pillows and blankets had been discarded somewhere at the feet of the bed, after a violent collision of bodies almost a hour ago. Enough to distract the informant’s attention, enough to let the awareness of what would happen next struck his mind with violent pleasure and, again, hate.  
“ _Ahn…_ What…” Taking advantage of the moment of weakness of his ‘ _lover_ ’ -if this was the way you should call the man you have sex with occasionally-, Shizuo bent forwards the bleeding wound crossing Izaya’s chest and licked it. Roughly, like an animal would do. It wasn’t meant to be reassuring or kind, _it was simply the act of licking what was yours_.  
Clutching the blond’s shoulders and weakily attempting at pushing him away, Izaya bit down his lower lip as a chaotic mixture of feelings burnt up his pale features. “Stop it, you damn animal!”

He wouldn’t ever expect Shizuo could be so smart. He hated indeed the way the man he called  _monster_  was the only one able to bring up the surface the pale memory of his humanity.  
Each touch, each bite, each kiss, it was an endless pain that stabbed his heart repeatedly.  
 _He hated it, he loved it_.  
It was humiliating the way those contradictory feelings burnt him and made him feel a bit more human, a bit more able to mingle with that sense of love he looked when dealing with his beloved humans.  
  
“ _Ahn…_ F-… I hate you Shizu-chan…”

A  tangle of messy blond hair stopped bobbing just to let a whisper sink in the fresh mark. “Tch, you’re such a masochist Izaya-kun, aren’t ya?” Referring to the nails digging in the back of the skin, desperately pushing him down, desperately asking to be touched in a way that looked disgusting and pleasent at the same time. And those reddish eyes, that laughed bemused even though filled with desire and hatred, stared down at the blond man with the same challenging air -barely admitting to himself Shizuo was right, _he loved that pain_.

_“You won this round, Shizu-chan.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What to say- Happy Valentine's Day~ <3  
> Kudos/Comments are always appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Shizu-chan~  
> I was cleaning up my old Roleplay Blog and I found some old drabbles I decided to post here <3 It's been a long while since I posted something in this fandom and still I'm surprised it's already seven years I'm stuck to it <3  
> Thanks whoever would leave kudos/comments, see ya in the next story!


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